Bad day in Cali....(Originally posted 9/14)

CALI-HO vs. The Greyhound Bus

Ok...to reaffirm that I was a mass-murdering cannibal who ripped off mattress tags in my past life...I got into a fight with a Greyhound bus...I lost.

I swear on clam dip that I hate Cali drivers, especially downtown rush hour drivers. In a span of 5 seconds, I was cut off twice and then side-swiped by a Greyhound, and I moved all of a foot. Minus my heart meeting my colon and some intense kung-fu anger I was fine....well I was until the driver of the bus rolled out yelling me sporting a handtowel on his head. Now I am not a racist by any means, but GODDAMN....we have people afraid to fly with Mexicans that even look like Arabs, but we are cool with them driving ghetto Douche-hound buses with unsuspecting cheap bastards to their doom on Hwy 99, and on top of that ones that sport the names "Ashiat"...yes, that is his name.

Ok...ok...so after threatening to beat him with a dead camel, his supervisor comes out. {Oh...this was in FRONT of the downtown Sac Jism-Hound station, which is as savory as Oakland's Loaves and Fishes during an all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet lunch/free needle exchange extravaganza}. Back to Ass-shit, his supervisor rolls out with a Polaroid, and I had to start laughing...homeboy looked like the stapler guy from Office Space, but was worse, cuz he had arm crutches and a voicebox that made him sound like a gay Darth Vader.

So, I am in mini-bad joke Hell....and the cops come...well they are bike (the 10 speed not the Harley) and start doing their biznass. I am calm, chain-smoking and glaring at the monkey fuck driver try and speak anything close resembling English to the BMX-squad...truly priceless.

After almost 2 FUCKING HOURS, the situation is resolved, well until my insurance company lays some unholy force on Bukake-hound.

But like most things in life....there is a silver lining. I have a date with one of the BMX-squad coppers...uh huh....the one who is writing the accident report...has NOTHING to do with it....lust is mysterious, and my twin can attest to my deep feelings to officers and cuffs.

So, with that said....Have a nice day!

Originally posted Cali-Ho

Must See TV

Ok....last night I had every intention of going to bed early....but I made the mistake of turning on HBO. I got caught up in SHOCK VIDEO 2002: AMERICA UNDERCOVER.

Sweet baby Jesus......This show is OFF DA CHAIN....

I will post more stories from it...but short version is they were showing late night tv shows from around the globe.

You know....like we have "Skin"amax (late night cinemax soft porn)

Anyway....1st story. Japan's Ejaculation Championship (I shit you not)

The contestants: Fukuhard (blond hi-lights in a long ass feathered sweepback hairdo ... with earrings...) Cumonyu, and Sukuoff

Now....the object: Who ejaculates the most jism in a 24 hour period....

The had Japanese whores (I assume they were...from the looks of the men...the women could NOT have volunteered) to help them out...sucky sucky...fucky fucky....titucky (titty fucking)....you get the picture....anyway...the winner.....

That's right....the Japanese flamer Fukuhard won....though I am surprised he was able to jizz with women helping....anyway....

More stories from this cool ass show later....

Ohhh...and I found a small trailer you can watch (though I'm not sure how good it is....)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0306851/trailers-screenplay-E22213-10-2

Peace out from the East Coast!!